Elfin Recite

“Beware the olives debate.” says Neil Chethik, author of VoiceMale, a book that surveys hundreds of men on marriage. “The arguments are usually over the smallest items. Somebody buys ajar of olives that’s not on the grocery list. The other partner buys nothing that’s not on the list and buys everything as generic as possible.” Guys typically side with my men on the salsa, because they’re not usually in charge of the household bud-getting, says Moms. Women usually do the shopping, he says, “and men are somehow seen as not as capable, and so they’re going to just follow their gut, no pun intended.”

Solution: Go grocery shopping together a couple of times. It’s true; your little splurges aren’t going to break the bank. But a joint expedition can help bring peace and under standing. Alan and I have fun—he convinces me to try exotic Spanish cheeses, and I show him how to compare the price of frozen peas.

“The advantage with money, as opposed to other relationship issues, like affection, is that it can be negotiated in a very concrete way,” says Chethik.

A Money magazine survey found that 73 percent of men claim they’re in charge of the family’s investments. That review launched earlier this year’s worldwide economic disaster—lots of people don’t even want to open quarterly statements, let alone take charge. Two-thirds of husbands proudly call themselves the couple’s biggest risk takers, which is what got Wall Street in trouble.

Solution: Don’t do anything major without professional advice. Women tend to be more careful with money, says James Morris, who holds a Ph.D. in family therapy. Play to your complementary strengths. Jonathan Rich. Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of The Couple’s Guide to Love & Money, calls cautious people “Bankers” and risk-lovers “Gamblers.” The Banker should make sure all possible savings are being made and play devils advocate if the Gambler argues for a move in a new direction- If the Gambler has a big idea of investing in windmills, then he must convince the Banker that he’s examined the pitfalls. Compromise is best: Cautious, standard investments get most of the picture with a small slice for risk.

YOU’RE SITTING IN THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE, A COLD BREEZE whistling through your examination gown, trying to grasp what you’ve just heard: You need major surgery. Or maybe, you have cancer. Or, it’s all in your head.
You might stammer a little. You might reach randomly for words. What you ought to say is this.

Can I get a second opinion?

If we were talking about, say, the head gasket on a ‘04 Honda, you’d spit those words out without hesitation. But when the diagnosis concerns your body, you may feel that the question breaches some sacred rule of doctor-patient decorum. It’s easy to founder in the rising tide of awkwardness through which the rip cur-rents of deeper dread swirl:

Have I just alienated the one person in the world I need on my side?

I wish I could say doctors are never irked by a request for a second opinion. Sometimes they are. But most of the time they don’t mind. In fact, sometimes we want a second opinion even when our patients don’t. Agreeing on the need for another set of eyes is only the first obstacle, however. The quest for medical certainty is fraught with potential pitfalls, blind alleys, and. sometimes, mirages.

OLD RULE - Be there
NEW RULE - Play hard to get

Sure, e-mail is efficient, but researchers at the University of California at Irvine found that people take an average of 25 minutes to get back to business after a distraction. Total damage: Up to 2.1 wasted hours a day, another study found. “Be disciplined. Allow chunks of time uninterrupted by e-mail,” says Donald E. Wetmore, J.D., M.B.A., author of The Productivity Handbook. Attend to the inbox during low-energy points, saving high-energy times for more important jobs. If the boss really needs you, he’ll call.

OLD RULE - Quitters never win
NEW RULE - Losers quit; winners cut their losses

Perseverance isn’t helpful if you’re digging a hole. Canadian researchers found that even when inventors are advised to give up on a hopeless project. 29 percent continue to invest money, and 51 percent continue to invest time. Seldman says to continuously reevaluate your projects to see if they’re worth the effort— or if the end goal is even possible. “Understand sunk costs.” he says. “Don’t get caught up in the investment you’ve already paid.”

OLD RULE - Be perfect
NEW RULE - Be perfect only when it matters
Perfectionists who obsess over little details can sometimes miss the things that count the most. For example, 37 percent of workers blamed such exacting tendencies for missed deadlines, accord¬ing to one study presented in 2003. So be smarter. Seldman recommends identifying tasks you can do without fine-tuning, and spending most of your time on everything else. When you realize your less-than-perfect work is just fine, your agony wilt abate.

OLD RULE - Juggle like a circus clown, baby!
NEW RULE - Multitasking stalls your system
Even though brain activity rises when you locus on multiple tasks, your perfor¬mance suffers, according to researchers at Carnegie Mellon. “Avoiding distrac¬tions isn’t always possible, so you need to learn how to rapidly refocus.” says David Allen, the author of Getting Things Done and Making It Alt Work. Develop a system to jog your memory, such as jotting down new tasks (”Call Fred”), putting them aside, and staying focused on your current work.

OLD RULE - Hustle hard
NEW RULE - Under promise, over deliver

‘You have only one time when you can manage expectations, and that’s in the beginning.” says Marty Seldman, Ph.D., coauthor of Executive Stamina. So set yourself up for success. If you can do a job in 3 days, say you’ll do it in 5—and then take time to add special finishing touches before turning it in “early.” It’s an easy way to impress: University of Florida researchers found that people are much happier about unexpected positive results than they are about predictable ones. Save your blood, sweat, and tears. Corporate go-getters often flame out before going anywhere, but experts say sensible slackers can waltz to the top. Here’s how to ditch the worker-bee rules and adopt a stress-free, healthy, and productive lifestyle.

CHAMPS CANT FIGHT FOREVER. THIS ONE BUILT A BUSINESS EMPIRE TO FALL BACK ON. HERE’S HOW HE PLANS AHEAD TO SET YOUR EXIT

DelaHoya will be 35 when he fights Manny Pacquiao on December 6. He knows he’s nearly done with his boxing career, but he’s ready: In 2001 he started Golden Boy Promotions as a way to build off his successes without being stuck in a position he’s outgrown. “I won’t have to come back” he says.

PLAY THE CROWD
Unlike many boxers, DelaHoya wears a suit and speaks calmly at press events. He’s using the spotlight to advance his business interests. “It shows that, hey. I’m not just an athlete,” he says. “You can use a platform to do bigger and better things.” That’s true at any job, and in any meeting: There’s always someone higher to impress.

KNOW YOUR PLACE
Pursue interests, but don’t chase every success. DelaHoya considered a singing career after a song on his debut CD earned a Grammy nomination in 2001. “But I was just another artist trying to sell CDs”, he says.” I didn’t have control.” So he refocused on boxing.

TAME YOUR FEARS
Investing in newspapers these days sounds crazy, but De la Hoya has done just that. His tor-gets are thriving Spanish-language papers that cater to an under served market. “The opportunity is surprising, but tremendous,” he says. Especially in down times, you can outsmart competitors with seemingly unattractive deals that are really untapped winners.

DROP DEADWEIGHT
De la Hoya switched trainers to improve his boxing, and he’ll drop business partners he thinks are slowing him down. “I tell all my colleagues.’I’m shooting for the stars. You either want to hang on, or you don’t.” he says. Same goes for your personal trainer and financial advisor: You hire them to help you, so expect great things.