Elfin Recite

“Beware the olives debate.” says Neil Chethik, author of VoiceMale, a book that surveys hundreds of men on marriage. “The arguments are usually over the smallest items. Somebody buys ajar of olives that’s not on the grocery list. The other partner buys nothing that’s not on the list and buys everything as generic as possible.” Guys typically side with my men on the salsa, because they’re not usually in charge of the household bud-getting, says Moms. Women usually do the shopping, he says, “and men are somehow seen as not as capable, and so they’re going to just follow their gut, no pun intended.”

Solution: Go grocery shopping together a couple of times. It’s true; your little splurges aren’t going to break the bank. But a joint expedition can help bring peace and under standing. Alan and I have fun—he convinces me to try exotic Spanish cheeses, and I show him how to compare the price of frozen peas.

“The advantage with money, as opposed to other relationship issues, like affection, is that it can be negotiated in a very concrete way,” says Chethik.